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Jokes

Anything to Pass

A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly.

"I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything."

He returns her gaze. "Anything?"

"Anything."

His voice softens. "Anything??"

"Absolutely anything."

His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"

Source: Aha! Jokes

T-G-I-F vs. S-H-I-T

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"

The man answered, "'S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.'"

Source: Funny and Jokes

5 ways to annoy People

Sing the Batman theme song incessantly
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

Source: Cool Funny Jokes